Crying To The Moon

I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS

My name is Elena, some of my friends think I'm a strange person. Maybe because of my quiet and unconfident attitude sometimes I always keep quiet when my friends come to me when I go to high school. Even when I was in 1st grade in High School I didn't have any friends. I'm looking for a friend who would fit me well in class but none of them fit. They're the ones who are the opposite of me, I don't know I feel like all my friends in class are no match for me. They have their own groups. Maybe they feel they're smarter so they have a group whose members are smart, most of them are people who are good at math and IPA and some of them are also good at arguing in class with a loud and brave voice. I still remember a friend of mine whom I approached to play with, his name was Dini, he was a good person in math but he was a shy person as shy as me so maybe I felt a bit like him. And then I also sometimes play with Sonya, I feel a bit suitable maybe because she is from the village and the boarding house near the school she is also not a person who is too smart. But as time went on I didn't get along with them either. I feel so bad for school there. I often didn't go to school because I was depressed with a very naive environment. I am indeed a person who is not too smart, my mathematical value is especially very low. I hate that lesson so sickening. Every day I feel very depressed and always cry between my classes. I feel like I'm the dumbest person in my class. Dini and Sonya, I know they're good people, only I don't feel like she really wants to be friends with me. Our relationship is very rigid, I don't dare to tell them anything. I am a closed person. I sit alone in my class, every day I bring supplies to school and I eat alone in front of the class because when the break time, we are not allowed to enter the class, the class is closed. I sat on the wall chair and ate my lunch. Suddenly I was struck by something hitting my head. Awwww.. I screamed pain. Soon I turned to find out who had thrown the stone at my head. He stood far behind me, without apologizing he was clueless pretending to laugh giggling with his friend Cipta. Yeah, he's Jack, my famous classmate, very ignorant and handsome. I feel like I want to be angry, but I just keep quiet and hold my anger. I'm trying to finish my lunch alone. I sat by myself and looked at the people around me. They all had friends, whereas I was alone and felt estranged.

The break was over, we all went to class.When I was walking to class Jack suddenly pushed me and I fell. No one else tried to help me, even some of them laughed at me. Again, he did not apologize to me. I got up by myself and sat in my chair. I wanted to cry, but I held back and tried to stay calm. The lesson began, yes this time it was mathematics, a subject that I hated because I thought it was very difficult and the teacher was fierce and cold.

"Who dares to come forward to solve this problem ?" ask a math teacher.

The class atmosphere was silent, and one of the students came forward to solve the difficult problem. His name is Ayu, he is a smart and active boy. She is also beautiful and liked by many people. Even this notoriously cold math teacher also looked to admire him. Ayu is smart and beautiful but she is also arrogant and judes.

honestly, I don't like it. I don't like my classmates. I hate them because they look at me as a fool and lack of association. Every time I tried to talk to one of them, they didn't take me seriously, as if I was a very ludicrous person. When I asked them, their response was very indifferent, as if not wanting to give me a chance.

I sat down with my best friend, his name is Yati he is indeed a pretty person but not too smart, I think he is a person full of drama. All sorts of things she dramatized to be attentive. He admitted to me, he was a very good person at singing, but what I remember his voice didn't touch my heart at all. Yeah, we're my countrymen but we don't have a good relationship. He always seeks the attention of our naive classmates. He was trying to be a group among them. And sometimes he also used to belittle me and slander me. Plus he likes to talk about me in the back to friends.

I'm so sick of all that. I hate all my friends. I was always sad because I had no friends, I had no one who really wanted to keep me company. I used to snack alone, and go home to school alone. I was used to seeing strange gazes from them, sometimes as if laughing at me, as if they seemed to hate me, as if they thought I was not there, as if they thought I was a weak person. I'm sad, what's my fault ? I could just shut up, and stop greeting them. I never spoke to them again, unless they greeted me first.

really, I don't like that kind of situation.