CHASING ILLUSIONS

11. DON'T COME BACK

“Never come back, because I don't want to feel the same hurt again.”

lia Anindya Wulandari

***

Teng! Teng! Teng!

Clanging wall clock indicates the time has entered at 13:00 WIB. Anindya exhaled her breath rough. A moment later, the girl did a muscle stretching motion. Apparently, sitting in front of the monitor for hours while doing the final task makes his body feel sore. Shortly after relaxing, the girl immediately tidied up her things. Going to the campus park and continuing his duties there is the goal of Anindya at the moment.

“Aduh!” Anindya shouted quite loudly as her head hit the back of someone who was standing near the library door. However, a moment later the girl said, “Sorry, Chan. I didn't see it. Hehe.”

Anindya exhaled slowly. The girl was grateful that the person she hit was Chandra, her own best friend. At the very least, he did not need to bear the shame of being careless this time around.

“Tak what. But, next time be careful, yes, Mrs,” Chandra smiled.

“Iya. Again, I'm sorry, Chan. I am indeed careless.” Anindya cursed her stupidity this time. How not, this was already the umpteenth time he had collided with someone, and the most shameful thing was his uncontrollable shout.

“Where are you going, Nin?” ask Chandra.

“Campus park. I want to continue my proposal there. You want to come?” Anindya answered while offering Chandra. Yes, if you can bring a friend, why be alone?

Chandra shook his head slowly, “No. I'm in work at 2.”

Anindya's stout instantly turned lethargic. Of his many friends, only Chandra is the hardest to meet just to talk. Whereas, before becoming a student, the man was the closest to Anindya after Rizky. However, things change when Chandra decides to work while in college.

“Huft, okay. It's okay,” said Anindya trying to understand.

“Don't be sad so, we can chat another time, Nin. By the way, passion for his final task, Nin.” The man tried to comfort Anindya.

“Good. Spirit for you too. I go first.” After saying that, Anindya smiled and passed from there.

Chandra looked at the girl's pity back. The man understood that Anindya's way of life was not easy. Although the girl did not tell him anything, but she knew that Anindya was in her toughest phase at the moment.

***

The wind blows softly. The leaves sway to the rhythm that Anila sings. As Anindya had planned, the girl was now in the campus garden. The green scenery that was presented, made the girl feel comfortable. Anindya chose a bench with a round table made of wood with a tree design. I don't know, anything related to nature like this, makes him feel calm and happy.

Anindya reopened the documents she had closed earlier. Accompanied by songs streaming from the earphones she was wearing, the girl refocused on the monitor screen before her. Anindya did not even realize that Rifki was sitting in front of her while looking at the girl's serious face.

“Nona Lia Anindya Wulandari, can I have your time for a minute?” Rifki began to dare to speak. The man's voice sounded full of regret and hope. Yes, it is true, at this time he is suffering from deep regret and hope.

Anindya took off the earphones she was wearing. Then, the girl raised her head. The look on her face changed when she found out that someone was bothering her was Rifki, a figure she had been trying to forget lately.

Anindya exhaled slowly, “Why are you here? Can't you see I'm busy? You better go and meet your lover!” said the girl was sniffled.

“I want to talk to you, Anindya. Just once, please.” Rifki's eyes began to glaze over. The man really hoped that Anindya would listen to him, even receiving him back this time.

“Rifki, I'm already a final semester student. I have to work on my final proposal and assignment. You know, you've been bothering me!” The tone did not like to be heard from Anindya's words. It was nothing, the girl was just lazy to deal with the man before her.

“Just a moment, Anindya. Please,” said Rifki begged.

Anindya again exhaled her rough breath, then nodded doubtfully. “Good. But I don't have much time for you.” Hearing that, Rifki smiled happily.

“I'm really sorry I cheated on you, even left you. Now, I realize, if you're a good woman, you're the only one who can accept me for who I am. Really, Nin, I'm sorry I left you. I want to come back to you. I beg you, Nin, forgive me and come back to me,”, Rifki pleaded.

Anindya smiled. “Hahaha. What did you say just now? Regretted? Going back? Nah! I would never do that stupidity. I was once the dumbest for you, but not anymore. Forgive me? I've forgiven you, but to come back to you, sorry I can't, Rifki.”

Rifki looked into Anindya's eyes deeply. The man had expected, Anindya would reject him. Yes, he realized, he had made a lot of mistakes. He had even hurt Anindya repeatedly. The presence of the girl was never appreciated by him, even not infrequently if he only used Anindya.

“One time, Anindya. I want to fix my mistake.” After a moment of silence, the voice of the man was heard again. The regret and guilt implied from her weakened, unusual tone of voice. “Nobody can accept me and understand me as well as you, Nin.” Again and again, the man begged. Tears began to float down his face. Really, he really regretted having hurt a girl as good as Anindya.

Anindya smiled. Slowly, his hands were directed to wipe Rifki's tears. Then the girl said, “Rif, it's not that I don't want to come back to you, it's just that I can't do that. I can't hurt myself anymore. I know you can change, but you're human too. What if you calmed down and hurt me again?”

“Life is about coming and going, Rif. Therefore, you also have to learn to be sincere. Maybe, now you feel like no one can accept you as well as I do, but you have to believe in God, someday there will be a woman who can accept you better than me. Right now, you just need to be sincere, just consider this all your punishment,” continued Anindya.

Rifki sighed slowly. His chest ached hearing every word that came out of Anindya's mouth. To be rejected by someone who has fought for you is a tremendous pain. You seem to have lost hope of forgiving yourself. In fact, to improve myself, it feels like I can't.

“Let me correct my mistake, Nin. Please, come back to me.” Again, again, and again. Rifki pleaded with Anindya. He was both sorry and ashamed. He really wanted to correct his mistake and make Anindya happy.

“No, Rifki. Fix all your mistakes without coming back to me. Change yourself for the better. After all, we are young. You better focus on your career and education. If paired, we will definitely be reunited,” Anindya said with a heavy voice.

“You just need to be sincere.” Anindya closed her sentence with a heavy heart. Because, in fact, he also wanted to return to Rifki, but all the wounds that had been given by the man seemed to hold himself back.

“Alright, Nin. If that's your last decision, but we can still be friends, ‘kan?” rifki asked in a hoarse voice from crying.

Anindya with a heavy heart nodded. The girl knew, it was not easy to make friends and make peace with the past. Especially if there is still a little seed of love for someone from that past. However, the girl also knows, the more she hates her past, the harder it will be for her to live life. It is better to forgive, make peace then make friends, than to force yourself to forget.

“Thank you, Nin. Ah, sorry I bothered you. I'll go first, yeah. The spirit of doing the final task, Miss Li,” said Rifki.

Anindya nodded, then smiled wryly. His heart rippled violently every time Rifki called him using a favorite call they often use while still dating. Ah, nevermind! He must start his new life, without the presence of Rifki as his lover.

A moment later, Rifki stared sincerely at Anindya. Then the man turned around and left. Leaving Anindya in a dilemma.

Anindya stared at Rifki's departure with her nimble eyes. Unknowingly, the tears she had been holding back from earlier, washed over her face. It is true, sincere is easy to say, but difficult to apply. That is what Anindya is feeling.

“Ah, shit! Why should I cry? Didn't I choose not to go back to her? No, Anin, you have to be sincere and start your life. Don't falter, don't hurt yourself by going back to her. Come on, Anin, you can!” anindya muttered while wiping away her tears.

***

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