Centrifugals

Eps. 1: Struggled

Is that complete?

In my opinion, that word of completion represents a lot of great things, and one important thing at the end of this life.

Life is arguably complete if all our obligations have been fulfilled as they should, for example the obligation of parents to provide proper education to their children, then the obligation of filial children to their parents, for example, and it can be a person who is beneficial to fellow humans.

It is complete in a big sense, but not important.

For me personally, complete in the important sense it is to die in a free state.

Free from the obligations that exist as human beings. Smiling in the darkness of the grave, then drifting peacefully in the company of the Angels to the next realm.

And the process to freedom is not easy. There was a lot of blood, also tears spilled. My body was dry and ran out of everything. Even so, the freedom I received was not worth it.

My name is Rama, Rama Alvarendra.

Life is so unpredictable. Every day, whenever I want to sleep, I always fantasize about what it's like to have unlimited money, about... Can buy anything without having to think twice, it must be peaceful.

I can buy a luxury house to visit, can study my sisters, continue to buy a super fast gaming computer, expensive gadgets, whatever!

"Lord, please, please, really, love everything I want, I also want to live well, at least give a real calm and roll around until finally it has reached the age limit."

About so my prayer, every fear of facing tomorrow, in the middle of the night that always feels quickly over.

Now the time must be able to get a chance that is much more than enough, even though my chance is as thin as a wallet in pants, but the content is not zero percent.

Tomorrow will be the beginning where everything will change, I will take the toughest risks even if the stakes involve myself, as long as freedom is the pay.

...***...

"Ram, get up, it's morning!"

"What time?"

"Hour 5."

My eyes that still wanted to be closed were forced open despite sleeping for only three hours. Every week, for three days, there must be a time when heavy work is not balanced by healthy hours of sleep.

But this is trivial, the problem of a little sleep time is also a lot of humans who experience.

After taking a shower and getting ready for some things, I who have been accustomed not to breakfast immediately leave for a department store where I work.

Shift one is always like this, there is no word nine to five, which I experience only, six to six.

Tired, but yes already, in this moment the important thing is to receive a salary even though the eyes are gone again.

My day starts with opening a store, getting ready with all kinds of reports, counting stock items, full displays, sending sales money, eating if there is any leftover money, etc, if no one just drinks from the remaining mineral water overnight, the rest hope the day is over.

A terrible pattern to live without money.

"What's the real work for?"

"Where, sir? Sorry."

I was again faced with a complicated problem between superiors and subordinates that never settled.

My county coordinator this morning came up with a tug of data that some stuff in the store disappeared stolen syndicates, again.

"Gue asked, Ram. Do you work to make money, or out of money? The syndicate has Ram every month? Lo sleep huh?!"

Tone high again, always the large volume of sound I was facing. I mean... Why can't you ask me nicely? Do you have to be like this to me?

In front of a lot of people I was down.

Actually there is a strong reason why many items can be lost uncontrolled, which is our CCTV department store is damaged, and since making a report three months ago, even a little repair has never existed.

"CCTV is dead sir, we can not always control the customer who is shopping, I also have a jobdesk that must—"

"Clean all the dusty shelves, replace the lost items, I don't want to know, today is done."

Always like this.

"CCTV problem gi—"

"Lo understand?"

"Good idea, sir."

Again and again, every word that comes out of my mouth is never finished.

"Send a picture of the receipt!"

"Yes, sir."

After that he left by making me the main problem, even if it is not me, he was too hated also considering the performance of this department store which is increasingly losing money. I realize, keeping a lot of stuff is one of the important parts, but I can't always be there at all times on the shelf where the goods are always lost.

There were days when I was really in full surveillance, but eventually many of my jobs were left behind and had already entered deadlines.

Here everything runs based on time, if this time is used to do other things, then other important things will not be managed neatly. Because each shift is only filled by two humans who serve dozens of other humans while doing the tasks of other humans who regulate.

If you want to be judged from the pyramid of the food chain, I am the bottom. The softest prey that has no power to resist.

Once against, lost hope.

If I had the power, I would climb this food chain and reach the top as the strongest predator.

...***...

Evening before, and finally all of us, five members of this department agreed to pay for the lost goods evenly.

And as it always happens, the nominal is never small. Each of us must pay 200 thousand because the total lost goods have already penetrated a million this month.

"Gue can pay for the abscess?" Ask the others, with a flat tone, I threw away all my emotions that day.

"Yes Ram, I took your name, yeah."

"First day I'll change it."

"Udah, don't think about it, we're fucking this again." My other partner.

I stopped talking after that, my throat was dry, my lips were chapped, and just to drink I had no lust. The only thing I want to do is go home.

Not felt, the clock is already at eight, six to eight.

New record.

...***...

After at home, it turns out my expectations skydive again.

I haven't been able to rest after seeing my fuss with my new husband.

Yes, I got married again a year after my sibling died.

And this new husband is really garbage that must be thrown away, they are noisy at the wrong time.

My ears are hot, my heart is going to explode, and when I know I'm coming home tired they should realize that in a few seconds I'm going to...

Explodes.

"The two can't be pinned down!? You get out of here anj*ng! Keep looking for trouble, you know the time? Your brain uses t*lol!"

I'm the type that holds, without me knowing, I collect emotions that I have received since morning and I should be able to hold on, but this time... When the glass that my emotions were spilled, the fire that was carrying the bomb inside my subconscious overflowed to the surface and exploded.

The whole house immediately fell silent, silent because it was just remembered that at home there was one person whose shoulders were the heaviest angry.

I approached their room and once again blew it all away. "Whisper, Ram, don't make a fuss!" They say.

I took a deep breath that second as well.

"LO THE NOISY SAMP*H!!!"

If I immediately pull my hand to my room, he berahan I let me not act further.

"Why the hell Ram?! Don't come along, it's nothing! Just got home angry!"

"Whisper! If finally there is only a fuss why should choose the samp*h who does not mind it?! Conscious mah!"

"Rama!" Jerk me.

And... The samp*h left without any words that the adult should have given his normal senate.

Again, and again.

It's not like this once, or twice I've experienced. Actually often, but sometimes I ignore because I think I've been stupid, and I'm getting bodo very. But today was different, as I said, my glass of emotion was full.

So a tempramental person is heavy, especially when you are grumpy, but you cannot be angry when you should be angry. I feel like my body is going to collapse on itself.

...***...

Tonight I sleep sideways to the left with eyes that have just opened after sleeping a few hours, I do not know what else can only let my thumb scrolling mobile phone screen on social media.

I see a lot of things tonight, mostly are the days of my friends that I value their lives a lot better.

They smile loosely, walk to their coffee shop subscription, there is a new finish of college, there is a new marriage, many things, many things, the point is that if I was in their position, I would post the same thing.

I had seen my post the last few days, it was just a collection of movies I watched from my old laptop screen, and music that I continue to hear.

A few seconds later I realized...

There is nothing interesting to share today, as I again accommodate the misfortune of my friends.

But it's okay, anyway actually I'm not alone in experiencing difficulties, in this vast world, not only I have headaches due to prolonged stress, there are many people like me.

I'm sure, that's why, I'm grateful there's still light in my heart even though it can't illuminate everything.

I'm actually a very good person and a perfect mother to me, but life sometimes leads him to the wrong person and I can't control that.

Unfortunately for me, he was no longer in pain after all this time.

Bokap I died with a flat face, a sign he felt his life could not be completed with as he wanted.

I was thinking...

What will I express when I die?

I don't know, I don't know, and I don't want to expect any higher, I'm reluctant.

Because at this point, my story will begin.