SUCCESSOR LEADER ANDRILOS

128. The Heart of a Wife.

A married couple who are chatting in their room, Elisha is very curious whether Andre is very happy or vice versa, because Andre rarely expresses his feelings that he really wants during their marriage. The matter of affection for him is no longer in doubt, but related to their future Elisha is still somewhat doubtful about it.

Elisha who immediately stuck in Andre's burly body, as usual the ritual before going to bed will definitely play Andre's ear and must be in the hug, as usual, because if it was not like that then Elisha would not be able to sleep well it has become a new habit of Elisha after marriage.

"Mas. Can Elisha not? But I have to answer honestly well, do not lie" said Elisha straightened his face to Andre whose eyes had been closed.

"What!" andre replied without looking, and did not open his eyes.

"Promise first that you will not lie later, because I want to hear your honest words from the bottom of your heart" said Elisha who thrust a little finger in front of Andre's face.

"Yes no, I will not lie" said Andre who still closed his eyes.

"First, open the eyes of this serious Elisha" said Elisha who shook Andre's body.

"Yes what? you can't let me close my eyes for a moment, there's just" said Andre who opened his eyes.

"okay! Actually, you really don't want to have kids with me?" elisa said a hopeful shot with a very satisfying answer.

"Did? the question again, bosen dreadin yes" said Andre whose eyes began to close again, because they do not want to always be asked.

"Just answer dong! Mas, do not go to sleep so you have to answer" said Elisha who always shook his body.

"For even you. What do you think, you're sure you're not the same as what you want. If you are sure it will happen, otherwise it will not happen" Andre said about how his heart is also.

Elisha seemed puzzled by the question in reply with a question back, helping Elisha get upset.

"Why go back, am I the same as you? Replied first dong mas, do not go behind it. Habits!" said Elisha who was a bit upset with her husband.

"I have to answer, you often get answers from me. Are you not that bossy, I'm the only one who answers is already bosen" said Andre who turned his body, turned his back on Elisha.

"She knows if you changed your mind, so how do you answer. Mas, iiih even in staying asleep, you must answer first honestly dong" said Elisha who turned Andre's body to face him.

"Judek. I'm honest, I don't want to have children" Andre said firmly.

"WHY?" instantly Elisha was shocked by the answer, immediately got up and looked at Andre who was on his back.

"No, there are many reasons I can't explain to you. Anyway, I can't" said Andre, who turned his back on Elisha.

"Tell me the reason, just one what?" elisa said very curious.

"Not knowing the answer, I'm still asking. Didn't we ever talk about it, why you can never understand" said Andre who was afraid that he could not be a good father for his son.

"Mas knows no, that a child is sustenance. The child is a blessing loh mas, how do you talk about it" said Elisha.

"Yes I know! But, do you want to be bothered if there is a child. Ribet have the child, while pregnant you will have difficulty to sleep well what else would be appropriate if the flow of pain like all your bones broken simultaneously at one time, at one time, and when you're born every night you have to stay up, are you ready?" said Andre who gave an explanation, making Elisha afraid.

"Elisa's ready whatever the risk is, anyway if you can't take care of her. I'm enough, I can. So you don't have to talk like that, if you don't want to take care of it with me it's okay. So you don't want to have children with me, is it just for that reason?" said Elisa who is currently very shocked by Andre's explanation.

"Mas will not ask for it, mas do not like to do a relationship that ends you later pregnant" said Andre who asserted.

"Don't like having kids? or you don't like 'so', do you?" elisha said, clarifying.

"I don't want our child to be a victim, for example, of all the problems my family has done in the past. I just want enough I'm the last person to experience this torture, I don't want to involve innocent lives anymore" said Andre.

"But, mas... If his destiny is to be present in our lives, how? You can't fight destiny, because she's already in this world" Elisha said.

"Well, as much as possible, I will avoid it. I'm very unhappy with your proposal, I'm sorry Elisha. The reason I don't want to have children is because I'm afraid she'll be the target of a lot of people, and burden her with the responsibilities she has to accept, you know what it's like to be the next leader of ANDRILOS. It's hard enough and I don't want to ruin her future, I don't want her to end up like me."

"Mas. The path and destiny are each determined, if our children take such a path. Surely he will be stronger to live it, but it is impossible to pursue what you live. Do you have to decide and conclude if he will be the same as you" said Elisha who immediately denied it.

"Yes. I'm sure he will follow my path, I don't want him to feel what I feel and through suffering. Maybe you think I'm, paranoid or exaggerated. But, if you understand me, also tormented by all this pressure Elisha, I also want to be like any normal person, I don't want him to feel what I feel right now. Do you know what I regret when I did that husband-wife relationship with you. This is not what I want, I hurt you. Honestly I don't deny, it feels like I really enjoy it. But after that, there was deep regret from me, until I told myself. Whatever kind of weapon is pressuring me to have sex with you, I don't want to do it anymore. I want to control myself, so that the night doesn't happen again."

Andre's long words, only made Elisha silenced not knowing to say anything more, as if the words he had spoken were like sharp weapons piercing him.

"Whether that's you, I don't know what else to say to you, I've run out of words" said Elisha who held back tears.

"I'm even scared if, if we do that. Then you got pregnant right away, I was so worried if I impregnated you. Because I have no preparation at all at this time, I have no plans for his arrival later" said Andre who is currently also holding back his emotions.

"So you mean, you're happy now. You're so happy because I'm not pregnant, are you?" elisha said that he could not hold back his tears.

"Yes can be said like that, between happy there is also a sense of mixed also in me, there is a sense of legality" said Andre.

Elisha could not think clearly anymore, but he did not want to see if he was disappointed with Andre's answer.

"Yes, I really like him but with my background like this, can I give him a decent life. So don't waste your energy, just because of that problem. Because I want to throw away all my thoughts about happiness, I have no interest in having children. I'm so scared that if I had to lose it, I wouldn't be able to. If you leave me too. I can't have to lose my loved ones anymore" Andre said.

"alright. If so, this is if only. If for example we were given the trust of having children, would you like a boy or a girl?" Elisa still hopes that Andre will change his decision.

"Male or female according to me are the same, for they are my blood and flesh. So it doesn't matter if she's born the same kind of Woman or Man as our child, what's the difference? I will love them just as much as I love you. But, back again I do not want to have it" said Andre who immediately laid his body again.

"But I want to see Mas, if we are old later, if we have children of our own, there can be something we can expect and when we die there will pray for us, yes mas" elisha persuaded her husband.

Andre already did not want to argue about it, Elisa was even in bed by Andre. Makes Elisha a little upset, because of this. Elisha also tried to lay down her body and sleep next to her husband, but her eyes could not shut because of the disappointment and pain with Andre's words, making tears well up.

Finally Elisha came out of the room when Andre was already sleeping far away, sitting in the kitchen chair while staring at the white glass on the table. Until a voice that makes Elisha's daydream is broken, Elisha who does not know if his mother walks behind him.

"Astaghfirullahalzaim! Elisa, is that you son?" said Siti who was surprised because half conscious, her mother was surprised with Elisha sitting on his back.

"Yes Ma'am, this is Elisha." Elisha hurriedly wiped his tears to avoid being caught.

"Why? when the nights are still here do not sleep, it is already tonight still" said Siti while holding her daughter's back.

"Elisa can not sleep ma'am" said Elisha who did not turn his body because he did not want his mother to know if he was shedding tears because of the tightness in his heart.

"Why? Does it hurt your stomach? mom makes anget tea well" said Siti who knows her daughter's habits if menstruation hurts.

"Yes, thank you mom. When she woke up, the nights" rushed Elisha to wipe her tears back, so that her mother would not know.

"Yes, I want to go to the WC, keep looking" said Siti who lit the stove to make water.

"Jaudah mother to the toilet first, it was just stay" said Elisha who told his mother to go to the toilet immediately.

"But tea!" he said as he went into the toilet.

After coming out of the toilet, and waiting for the boiling water Siti knew that her daughter was crying. But, siti waited for a quiet time so that her daughter would tell her everything.

"What's wrong, you're fine. Mood teteh no longer good huh, still thought about earlier when Andre nak at sedain Lita?" guess Siti, to check Elisa's condition.

"No ma'am, Elisha knew Mpok Lita was just joking around. Elisa just a lot of thoughts just as hurt as well, it hurts so much it feels like nyampe to the heart of teteh bu, so tight it feels. Elisha is not strong if you think so, if you keep asking for the same thing but in a good response when Elisha just wants him to be happy, Mom, and feel like everyone else."

"Why the hell, son? What's the matter, you're fighting with Andre?"

"No, Elisha was just like Elisha. Gini really bu it feels, it is not easy to be a wife for Andre. In the past when elisa had a boyfriend, often like being hurt by the same guy, cheating, being left out of marriage, until being left behind. Pas has a husband kok kayak gini, but I am quite grateful Alhamdulillah really, he is not neko-neko, he is also a very nice person, loving, not stingy. Just a dream husband! She's a very perfectionist husband but..." Elisha did not continue his words, because his sobs returned when he remembered Andre's words.

"But why tea! Andre's son is making trouble, making you bad?" siti grabbed her daughter's hand to calm her down.

"Mas Andre said it to me... I can't say ma'am, it hurts so much if I want to talk to him" said Elisa who is not strong to say yes.

"Hei nak kok even cry anyway, have been slowly talking to the mother, it's okay mom will be horrified really" said Siti.

"Mom I know marriage is not just a goal of wanting to have children doang, have children or problems like that. So that you can have a life friend who can be invited to chat and carita, anyway can be a friend of life to death that separates. Living the joys and sorrows together, but why yes ma'am. The more I think about Elisa being so sick, I actually do not want to talk about this to mother because it is a matter of Elisha's household, she said, but Elisha tangents to confide in who else if not the same mother."

"Yaudah slowly just say yes, I'm here to make a teteh."

"Mother, what's wrong if I ask her to immediately meet my inner needs, rather than my birth needs. Because the birth needs he gave her had already fulfilled it, but I also needed her it was romantic. Wanted Andre to say that he also wanted to have children. But instead, he refused Elisha's request. Gini really feels, like broken into pieces, I can't say it hurts my heart mom, kayak fell from a height after being made to soar."

"Son, having children or not is not an obligation, it is a trust. There are those who have been married for a long time but do not have children, because children are the sustenance of Allah, so they have their own vote. Not only because you want to continue to be able to directly, maybe Andre son has a reason that can not explain, it could be because of the trauma that makes him you do not want it to happen, it may be, try to slowly talk to Andre well."

"Udah ma'am. But the answer is still kekeh, even though he really likes the same child. If I see him in the hospital, he likes to see children. Joking around, playing with the kids, making them smile. Mas Andre also had a really nice cradle of a newborn baby, when he smiled when carrying a baby also ma'am see it I was really cool. But why ma'am, she doesn't want to have children. That's the reason why Elisha came out of the room, and instead sat here, because if Elisha was there instead could not calm Elisha's mind even more chaotic, look at that face completely sprained."

"Should be patient tea, son Andre it is not he does not want to have children. It's just that there's a reason he can't explain to you, afraid to put you down. Son Andre is his son of understanding, wherever also want Andre a soft child of his heart. Yes, so must many patiently ask God for a way out, because not all can run smoothly, all need a long process, all need a long process, god willing next year may Allah make the way easier and there is an answer to all that contradiction between the same needs of Andre, may be given smoothness" said Siti.

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Tuesday 20 December 2022