My Mysterious Boy (My Mysterious Man)

Things I Can't Do

I sat in my chair and put my head on the table. What I do is observe them, my classmates. As usual they are always happy at times like this, when the teacher does not enter the class for certain reasons that cannot be denied.

Of course they are happy, they can do whatever they like. The female disciples would gather and there would be groups. They are happy to do anything with their hands. Some are engrossed in selfi with the group, some hear music with a headset, some even dance to the style of the cherrybell song that was popular at the time.

The male students did the same. But some other people are busy bothering and teasing people he might like. I quietly focused my hearing on the cerybell song they were listening to, because that was my only chance. I had no access to listen to their songs other than then. I don't have a phone, a tv, even a radio at home.

I was alone in that crowded classroom. They won't realize that I'm there myself. No one came to offer to join them. Because I never liked it there.

I'm an unattractive girl, not pretty, and I don't have anything. Although the old people I met often said I was beautiful and sweet at the same time, but I did not believe. I have one or two friends, but we'll only be together when the time comes. At that time, we came home by public transport, a rickshaw. The more people who come the cheaper the cost per person. So we're just mutualistic symbiotic friends. That's what I call them.

It should have been a fun time in my early teens, which is what I often think. I thought I'd have a chance to make friends because of my intelligence. In elementary school I was in the top three for six years. But when I got into junior high school it wasn't there anymore.

I got into the plus class even though I answered the question wrongly during the exam. I don't want to go there. Everyone in the class was an average rich kid, an official, at least a civil servant. I'm not. I am a poor man.

They have the money and access to support their education. Tutoring on every subject with great tutors and join the excursions they like. I can't even go for free eskul because I don't have money just for the cost.

Although I tried my hardest at the rest of the time I used to help Mom in the vegetable garden. That's not even enough. They're smarter than me. I'm losing. My day was full of sadness, and I wanted to quit school then. I can't even pour out my feelings on Mom because she'll just be angry.

"You should be more patient, still good thing you can go to school. What if I remarry and die when your father dies" he said.

Maybe it's true what Mom said. I should have been more patient and strong. Even though at that time I just wanted to hear a word of encouragement from him not such a remark. From then on I decided not to talk to him.

I am grateful that one of my classmates played music quite loudly. I could hear it while closing my eyes to live the song. Sometimes I think hard why God created a beautiful and handsome and smart child plus rich and in front of me. I smiled bitterly, for the Lord would not answer me.

I got bored and opened a biology book and tried to focus on reading it. I did it because there was nothing else I could do. I couldn't do any of the things they did back then.

Our class leader entered suddenly and immediately stood in front of his class. He took one marker and wrote something there. It turned out that there was a task from our teacher who could not attend at that time.

Our class leader was always firm and looked charismatic. Besides that he is also handsome and tall and the craziest thing I dare to like him. I always smile when I see it. I didn't realize that someone was showing me when I looked at him.

"You like our class president" he asked suddenly in a dismissive tone.

"Just like it" he said again.

I still don't answer. He laughed at me and invited the others to laugh. My heart hurts even I find it hard to breathe.

"It's a pity that she already likes other people, of course that person is beautiful and also smart. Suitable for him" he said underestimating me.

Everyone was looking at me more and more cynically and they were laughing out loud. I didn't expect the class president to take my hand and take me out of the classroom. Silencing all the mouths of those who laughed at me, I was thrilled for the first time.

He let go of my hand as soon as we got near the bathroom. There was no one passing by. I dare not look at his face.

"You like me" he asked in an annoyed tone.

"Even if you like me please hide deeply in the bottom of your heart. Don't embarrass me" he said again harshly.

I was silent again, like a fool. Not daring to answer anything from all his sentences that make my heart ache. I almost cried at the time, but I held on with all my might. I clenched my hand to increase my strength.

"You remember that" he said and passed from there.

I didn't dare to go to class at that time. I decided to hide in an empty room where handicrafts were stored for at least an hour. Although an hour won't bring things back, but I have to go back there. I have no other choice.

I was crying without a sound. But my heart was strong screaming, I was sure God and the sky heard my screams. God did not want to change my life at that time.

I was there myself, in that dust-filled room. No one knows or wants to know what happened to me. I'm sure they've forgotten what happened just now. I'm confused as to how and should tell who.

Mom won't calm my heart, I'm sure she'll say the same. My brother would blame me for no reason.

"It's poor, it's busy falling in love. Don't know yourself" maybe that's what I'll get from him. I don't want to tell anyone because no one likes me.

Seriate...