Is It Possible To Fill This Empty Space In Ourselves?
Chapter 10
Ernest came out of the cubicle rubbing his ears violently to remove the remaining water flowing from the hair and accidentally went inside. Black mane that has long been allowed to grow— does not feel it has touched the shoulders making the cloth around the neck become wet even after using a towel to dry it.
With an evasive cloth on his shoulders and the overnight shirt he had washed in his hands, Ernest walked towards where he used to hang the clothes he cleaned.
Since the time in the room—five days ago, when Arsyana told him to take care of his own clothes, Ernest will at once wash when bathing if at that time he needs to change clothes worn. There were not many things Ernest could do here so that he would rarely sweat, therefore he did not need to change his outer clothes too often.
There was already beginning to be a tinge of orange in the sky which signified the Dawn beginning to scatter its light to all the beings below.
After hanging his towel and clothes on the clothesline, Ernest walked back and entered the kitchen.
The fire in the furnace was still burning, but the tool on it was no longer a bellanga but a castrol filled with food that would become their breakfast.
“Are all these items really the relics of the previous owner?” asked Ernest could not help but be curious as the longer he stayed the more clear how complete the equipment in this place was.
Arsyana just glanced at him and kept stirring the bubbling porridge, “if not?”
“Not the owner isolated himself because of illness?”
“Ya.”
“Why take the trouble to prepare all these fixtures and waste money? What about his own family?”
“Family rich to be able to provide enough comfort for the owner.”
“Then why not go looking for treatment?”
“What assessment do you think others have of this disease sufferer and his family?” Arsyana looked at Ernest flat, “and also the treatment carried out could cost much more than all the items left here.”
“But they are family,” replies Ernest weakly and sounds empty.
“So does everyone in the family, you don't know what they might have to endure so you need to make that decision.”
Ernest was silent looking at the woman's back, which was now slightly bent, pulling out large logs from the furnace to shrink the burning fire and let it go out slowly.
Looking back, Arsyana found the man staring at her blankly, “What?”
“Do you agree to leave your sick family members and isolate them yourself?”
“It's not a problem I agree or not.”
“Then?” Ernest could not understand why his chest felt cold at the thought of Arsyana agreeing to such a thought.
“What I am trying to say is it is not our right to judge what they do.”
For a while there was an unpleasant silence between them.
In the end Ernest sighed heavily, “you were right.”
“Ayo need not discuss it further,” said Arsyana in a light tone, “again it is not our business.”
“Mm.”
“Go grab plate.”
“Breakfast now?” asked Ernest, but went to get what he was asked.
“Not that you have to leave in about half an hour?”
“How about you? You don't go anywhere.”
“Of course I have breakfast now, do you think I'll just stand serving and watch you eat?” cynical Arsyana.
“I don't mean that! And why are you always prejudiced against me?!”
“Blame your easily seduced self that kept me entertained.”
Ernest approaches and hands over the plate he took, “your way of looking for entertainment is annoying to know.”
“That's because you can't reply.”
Ernest scowled in annoyance. It's not that he can't retaliate, it's just…
Seeing the woman scooping the porridge from inside the castrol and spilling it onto the plate she was holding, Ernest turned his gaze to another corner of the room.
…he couldn't possibly retaliate by teasing either right?
Ernest suddenly felt his face hot.
“What are you daydreaming about?” Arsyana asked in annoyance, her hand thrusting a plate that had been filled, “want me to bring it to the table like the waiter did at the restaurant?”
Hearing that sarcasm Ernest immediately took his plate, “sorry,” he said feeling rather guilty.
The woman looked at him straight as if she was looking at something from her face to see what was on her mind and it made Ernest a little nervous.
“Ernest.”
“What?”
“You know, you can always finish your men's business in the water booth.”
For a moment Ernest's intellect tried to interpret what Arshana meant.
“I will definitely not get in the way as long as you just do it there,” added Arsyana in a serious and wise voice.
“I don't!” Ernest strongly refuted when his understanding understood what the woman meant, her face getting hotter and flushed, her mouth in self-defense, “kamu—! What are—! How can you talk about—!”
Laughter echoed loudly in the kitchen as Arsyana could no longer resist the funny reaction of Ernest, “hahaha— your face! You should see your face—hahaha!”
“Arsy!”
“OK... okay.. I was just teasing you.”.
“You!” Ernest gritting teeth resisting annoyance and shame—may also be misbehavior, “you should not use that as a joke.”
“Not realizing you were that innocent,” Arsyana responded lightly as she turned and scooped the porridge onto another plate.
“Not my innocence is a problem here—wait! That's not what it means! Why does it sound wrong?!”
“So your innocence doesn't matter?”
“Oke.”
“Wait! Why would this be like discussing my innocence!”
“Is it not?”
“Of course not!”
“So what?”
“What I'm trying to say is,” Ernest breathed a calming heartbeat that was pounding madly due to the embarrassment earlier, after being sure and his breathing returned to normal he said calmly but seriously “I am a man, Arsyana.”
“I can see it.”
“You shouldn't do such a joke to me.”
“Because I'm a woman?” arsyana asked lightly with a slight amused touch to her voice like a comforting person, but if noticed the smile on the woman's face sharpened a little, a good “woman shouldn't say dirty things, right?”
“Yes, women should not make indecent jokes with the opposite sex.”
“Hah!” Arsyana snorts cynically, “man with his superior taste!”
“Because men can be lower than animals!”
Arsyana was stunned amidst her cynical mockery upon hearing Ernest's snaps.
“Even if you've only seen me as someone weak, stupid, and useless, yet I'm still a man,” Ernest turned around to approach the simple wooden shelf where the usual tableware was arranged, take two spoons and put one of them on the table when he grabbed his glass that was there, he went to the door, “you are a very careful person so, so, uh, you shouldn't be bothered with this. Sorry to snap at you, I'll eat out.”
Arsyana stared blankly at the figure of Ernest who stepped out until invisible because blocked the wall. Looking down at the plate filled with porridge in her hand, Arsyana half closed the castrol and stood up to the table.
Arsyana put the plate on the table then pulled up the chair and sat on it. Grabbing the spoon that was left by Ernest there, Arsyana noticed the cutlery while twirling it, “it's not like I'm off guard,” muttered before dipping the spoon to take a bribe on his breakfast.
Arsyana knew it was not because she was off guard, but she deliberately made herself look off guard.
The woman sighed, she felt a little guilty for continuing to test the man.
Arsyana stopped her scooping movements and stared blankly at the porridge that had been reduced on her plate.
He was not testing the person, but his subconscious had always believed that Ernest would definitely take the chance to do something bad if he showed a gap. And if that person really did it he, Arsyana, could confidently get rid of the man without any guilt.
“Ah, this is bad,” muttered Arsyana back taking a bribe on her breakfast.
Since when did he become biased with his prejudice?
*
Ah, this is bad.
Ernest walked in the middle of a crowded market with steady steps and straight faces—which had become a habit during his time in the army even though his mind was messy with what happened at breakfast.
How could he say that?! Isn't that the same as admitting that he has a bad mind?!
Sighing, Ernest again thought of the reason for his emotional outburst. He told her not to let her off guard and that sounded like it was for the good of the woman herself where in reality Ernest was only bitter because he was not seen as a man who could pose a threat to women's honor.
How hypocritical, Ernest smiled in self-deprecation.
Not that he wanted to be seen as a bastard, just that…
Ernest felt at odds with his own feelings. On the one hand he was happy when Arsyana considered him a man who was safe enough to be in the same room, but on the other hand he was also annoyed at the lack of sense of threat as the opposite sex that the woman had towards him.
Entering a cleaner and regular market area but still very quiet— even almost feels empty when compared to the previous area, Ernest slowed his pace until he slowly stopped near the stall that the owner had seen just opened and was still compiling merchandise to sell.
The stall owner glanced at the young man who was standing not far from his place, but immediately withdrew his gaze disinterestedly and resumed his activities when he saw the young man just staring straight at the distance.
Ernest could already see the building he was about to head to, still far enough from its place that it looked smaller yet still attracted attention compared to the other buildings around.
Closing his eyes for a moment, Ernest rearranged his thoughts.
The goal here is to work so that it can pay its debt to Arsyana. He should put that first.
And as for the seed that might have accidentally appeared in the depths of his heart, Ernest felt himself to have no quickness to think about it.
After clearly re-setting his goal, Ernest opened his eyes and returned to walking with steady and calm steps.
He passed by a familiar stall and greeted Pak Hasta who was casually putting together his wares. The middle-aged man remembered it and quite enthusiastically congratulated him for hearing—from his son that Ernest had managed to get a job in a bookstore.
Ernest felt a little lighter after hearing that, hoping for the remark as a sign that the job had really worked him out. Saying farewell, Ernest went straight to the bookstore.
The front view of the building he was about to enter had two leaves on its large door and wide windows on each side that were currently still closed because it was still very early in the morning.
With some hesitation Ernest pushed one of the door leaves and stepped in as it opened.
The room inside was quite spacious, about twice from the room in rumah—since when did the building in the forest become a home? Ernest shook his head slowly getting rid of his nonsense.
There are shelves containing various books on display for sale along the left and front walls to form a horizontal model of the letter ‘L’. In addition, there are still three long shelf cabinets arranged on the side there so that it forms three aisles.
To his right was a three-storey shelf with an adult waist height and contained various things that looked like stationery needs. There was now an empty corner on the shelf where Ernest saw four days ago a pile of newspapers.
“Oh!”
Ernest looked at someone who had just let out a surprised voice. The man was standing behind the cashier table located next to the stationery shelf. Ernest remembered this man named Milar.
“You're coming!”
Ernest nodded and approached, “I said so four days ago.”
Milar smiled, “wait here, I will call boss.”
“Thank you.”
Ernest saw the man turn around and disappear behind the door that was not far from his place.
With a breather, Ernest hopes the job is still available to him given the uncertainty that he did not have a contract four days ago.
***
