Dear Mas J's

I Love You, J

Have you ever wondered how much love you have for someone?

Sometimes the words "love" and "love" are so easy to spread.

Yep. I loved my best friend in silence since High School, when mas Tama took Jefri home.

I don't know if I can't think, whether I really love her sincerely or just simply admire her. But, clearly her smile made me fall in love the first time we met.

Tell me if I have a weak heart and it's true. I can not deny, my heart was weak when our eyes met at that time and I admitted defeat when he only considered me as his sister.

Hahaha, looks pathetic, doesn't it?

Since I was the only one who fell in love, I decided to keep it alone and not tell anyone including Mas Tama and also my friends, Kiara and Ajun.

No. gabe. I never regretted loving her, I never thought I would regret it. Anyway, I just thank you because Jefri mas I can feel the beauty of love.

Him, my first love.

Do you think I'm not trying?

You've heard this saying, haven't you?

"Sincere love will make you a good pendo'a."

L loved her. That is why I will never finish praying for her safety and happiness.

Can I say this if I love him?

Falling in love in silence means holding a million feelings in your heart. I know very well what risks I will bear later including the pain and also the deep sadness when he is with other women.

If indeed harboring feelings for Jefri mas is very painful, I don't know why I'm reluctant to stop. I knew it was my fault for choosing to keep her alone. But, I also can't force others to return my feelings right?

"When you can only harbor feelings for someone, you must be ready to see him along with others."

That sentence always made me think more about quitting. Unfortunately, it is very difficult for me to do.

His name is Jefri, the man who made the world and my heart waver. I used to call him mas because he was a friend of Tama, a college friend and a coworker of my mas.

He is a handsome prince. Maybe I'm overdoing it, but that's the fact. For me a handsome man if not equipped with a good personality will end up in vain.

Jefri is a person who is sociable, considerate, polite, and also friendly. I didn't make it up because I was close to him.

I told you before, I'm a little sister to him so whatever he'll tell me, including when he likes someone.

Am I jealous when I hear that he likes someone else?

Very! of course, but what else?

I don't want Jefri to disappear from my life. If it's time, let me disappear from his life.

Falling in love does make us in a situation of confusion, sometimes flowers even drain tears. From the beginning I didn't want to like him because I realized he was too hard for me to reach. However, that love came by itself, I could not prevent and I could not choose where this heart would anchor to.

I still believe this: "Love is not just two people who love each other, but there is God's intervention in it."

If indeed Jefri is my soul mate, as far as I go we will remain united later and can also be otherwise, as I said earlier, I will disappear from his life just to wait for his time.

Let me be selfish this time because I still want to be with her, even though it is only considered a sister by her.

I put Jefri's happiness above mine. Do I see a fool? tell me the truth even if it hurts me.

"Al?" I was surprised when Tama entered my room without knocking on the door first, not even her footsteps were heard at all in my ears.

"There's your mas down below" he said making me frown, a sign of not understanding his words.

"Who?" manya curious.

I gave a sign with a clear bookmark on the page of the novel I had read.

"Jefri, who else? there are two. Quickly get down."

"Oh, okay."

Putting my novel next to the nightstand, Mas Tama pulled my arm slowly as I walked ahead of her. "Are you sure you don't have any relationship?" tanya mas Tama, her face looks curious waiting for an answer from me.

"As you can see, what else?"

"You're an adult. Mas and Mommy do not forbid you to fall in love and have a relationship with other men. You are permission to have a lover, mas believe you can take care of yourself." he said that makes me look surprised where the direction of the Tama mas talk this time.

"You got a greeting from Dirga" he said, "wouldn't you give it a try?" continued.

"Mas mean?"

"Dirga likes you and I think he is kind and responsible. What's wrong if you try to get closer."

"Want to?"

"Mas, even if she likes me doesn't mean I like her too, right? I can't stop him from liking me, but I can't force my heart to like him either. You believe me, right? I know which one is best. Let to whom this heart will anchor itself." I explained in a relaxed tone, as if I had been worried about romance when I had never dated at all.

"Actually I have liked another man and that's your own best friend" I said in my heart.

Mas Tama broke my soft aura, "It turns out you really are an adult huh? sitting in college makes your sister become smart like this, even mas do not know Alleta the spoiled and the crybaby anymore" he said.

Getting an answer from him made me pinch his arm slowly. Actually mas Tama intend to praise me or insult me?

"Jude, let's go down" he said.

When I set foot on the last step, I saw Jefri who was looking at me, not forgetting the smile on his lips. Her smile was always the most favorite smile I've ever seen.

"Hai Al." said Mas Jefri with a sweet smile when he saw me coming down the stairs.

"Hi mas, is there a need?"

"Yes, I need your help. Can you come with me for a minute? the promise will not be long. Tam, I borrowed Alleta?" he asked permission.

I glanced at Mas Tama who was busy with his phone, then he turned his attention to me and also Jefri. "Where are you going? what business is it? same who?" tanyanya.

Tama has always been like that. He would ask me a few detailed questions as I was leaving, whether I was going alone or going with others.

"Ask one-on-one." protested Jefri, I chuckled at his reply and saw the look of his face that was already upset was staring at Mas Tama, it looks like there will be a war of mouth.

"Gue's just afraid of something happening to my sister, it's only natural that I ask?"

"Alleta the same way I Tam, besides we will not be anything." said mas Jefri.

Mas Tama refuted the sentence mas Jefri with full emphasis. "Yes, I trust him if he won't do the right thing but, I don't believe you. I could be happy with my sister."

"Alleta's my sister too, where might I mess with her." - timpal mas Jefri.

See?

For almost 5 years, Jefri still considered me as his sister. Be patient a little more, right?