Complex Child Love

CHAPTER 94 - Inner Peace

Cefi chose to walk alone, at home she was also alone because her husband was working, her husband would ask permission to work only half a day to his boss. Cefi walked while daydreaming, his hands continued to be on his stomach with many thoughts.

“Assalamualaikum, son Xaviera! Where are you going?” ask Ustazah Aisyah.

Cefi immediately turned to the source of the voice and it turned out that the person who reprimanded him was Ustazah Aisyah, “Waalaikumsalam, Ustazah.” said Cefi who chose to duck and walk again.

“Are you okay, Son?” ask Ustazah Aisyah.

Cefi who heard the question immediately stopped his steps. Instead of Ustazah Aisyah asking what happened, he asked about how he was doing. Cefi was deeply moved to hear the question. For most people, it seems ordinary, but for Cefi it is not. He still felt that the question was very attentive.

Cefi cried just like that and immediately embraced Ustazah Aisyah. He immediately returned Cefi's embrace and immediately rubbed Cefi's hair.

Ustazah Aisyah knew that something seemed to happen to Cefi, whereas, Mother Anes did not tell him anything but seeing how the usually cheerful Cefi became silent would make him wonder.

“Cute to Ustazah house huh?” ask Ustazah Aisyah.

Cefi nodded his head just like that, then Cefi followed Ustazah Asiyah, they reached the house of Ustazah Aisyah. In the house, there was no one, because everything was gone. Now there is only Ustazah and Cefi.

“Are you having a hard ordeal, son?” ask Ustazah Aisyah.

Cefi immediately nodded his head while crying, “Betul, Ustazah. Why do I keep getting into trouble, Ustazah?” ask Cefi who started roaring. She was crying again.

“If Ustazah can know, what happened? If you don't want to explain it's okay. Ustazah will not force.” says Ustazah Aisyah.

“My son one of his hands only has 4 fingers, Ustazah. That's doctor.” prediction said Cefi.

“Astaghfirullah al-adzim, Nak,” said Ustazah Aisyah who just found out that the problem was this big was immediately crying and hugging Cefi just like that.

Later he felt happy to see Cefi who did not look sad any, Cefi date house looks fine. That made him feel very happy, because he always prayed for Cefi, however, even though Cefi was not his son, but he also loved Cefi.

“Iya, Ustazah. I feel guilty for this child, as well as for my husband and in-law, Ustazah. I feel guilty ..” said Cefi.

Ustazah Aisyah rubbed Cefi's shoulder. Cefi seemed to need an outlet so he chose to give his ear to Cefi so that Cefi could more freely express his crying.

Since last night, Cefi has not been able to sleep. He kept thinking about that. She also pretended to smile at her husband even though his heart was very fragile, even very fragile.

“Does God not love me, Ustazah? Is it that hateful until I am given so much sadness and trouble?” Cephi was crying hysterically.

“Nak, can Ustazah talk?” ask Ustazah Aisyah.

Cefi nodded his head.

“Son, maybe this is a test for you and your husband to make you a better human being. Ustazah knows you're angry, you hate it, and you're frustrated, but, son. Behind all this there must be a silver lining, and Ustazah is sure that you can get through this well, indeed with difficulties there are later, son. You remember what Ustazah said about that right?” ask Ustazah Aisyah.

Cefi nodded his head. “Could be anyway, from this matter Allah wants you to get closer to Allah SWT.

“Can be reprimanded?” ask Cefi.

“What is this reprimand for me, Ustazah? All this time I have been far away, I also like howling if salat.” said Cefi.

Cefi sighed, then he admitted to it.

“Rarely, Son?” ask Ustazah Aisyah.

“Iya, Ustazah, I recently prayed that there was my husband aja.” said Cefi honestly.

“Astaghfirullah, Son. You know that it's not a justifiable act?” ask Ustazah Aisyah.

Cefi nodded his head just like that. Then, he looked down, trying to reflect on what he was saying.

“Son, Allah is forgiving, you can repent, it is not too late, Son. Pray that Allah will forgive your sins.” said Ustazah Aisyah. “Ustazah tah if you may be more lazy to move and do this it includes prayer because your stomach has been bloated, however, son. Leaving prayer is certainly not a good improvement and it is wrong.”

Cefi nodded his head just like that.

“But, ustazah does that wisdom really exist in my life?” ask Cefi. “What example?” ask Cefi.

Ustazah Aisyah immediately nodded her head, “Iya, son. For example, when you were left by your parents, God replaced with a husband and in-law who were very good to you. Then ...” Ustazah also parse one by one things that have happened to Cefi and what happiness Cefi got.

Cefi also listened to Ustazah Aisyah carefully. He also imagined how he would get it all. He even put himself in his head.

“Thank you Ustazah,.” said Cefi.

“Sama-sama, Son. Ustazah knows that Xaviera is a good boy, so do not stay again pray yes.” said Ustazah Aisyah.

Cefi nodded his head, “InsyaAllah, Ustazah.”

***

Nightfall.

Cefi felt restless not playing, even though the AC in his room was still cold with 24 degrees Celsius but somehow Cefi like awakened something that does not know what it is. Then, Cefi glanced at her husband who was sleeping quietly.

Cefi smiled and immediately woke up. Something was stirring in his heart. Cefi decided to take ablution water and perform evening prayers. That same night he begged Allah for forgiveness SWT for the negligence he had committed. He also apologized for all the prayers he had done both intentional and unintentional.

In the still-stretched hands, Cefi cried and begged for forgiveness. He has also resigned himself and promised to sincerely accept the child in his stomach no matter what the circumstances.

“Yes Allah, is this a rebuke for me? Then forgive me, O God. I know I was wrong, I did not carry out the obligation several times, never taught, and did not want to accept the state of my baby.” said Cefi.

Cephi wept again, “Once again O Allah, I beg for Your forgiveness. And thank you for all the favors You gave me and my family.” said Cefi.

After weeping, complaining about what happened, apologizing and thanking God. Finally Cefi opened his door. He also folded the face. Finally, Cefi was calm.