Ayunda Shaharani

Recollecting Back-2

A week had passed from the day he told me his feelings.

A week had passed but he did not come. I don't want to charge him because if he was serious he would have come a long way. Then, came the night to fill the study in the mosque as usual.

And just like yesterday he called me again, "Ayunda Shaharani!" Call him to me at that time with a voice so pure.

"Yes Ustadz." I answered him calmly.

"I want to tell you something, Ayunda!"

"Please send me Ustadz!" I said to him and just like yesterday he took a deep breath before saying anything.

And sure enough he again revealed something after the warm-up session. But without ever thinking and I guessed before that, the expression of his heart this time was quite thrilling with a sloppy heart that would be melted.

"Ayunda Syaharani, earlier I apologized as much as you."

"Well, why Ustadz? Ustadz is not wrong with me if indeed for one week Ustadz has not been able to come to see my parents is not what Ustadz. There's still tomorrow or the shabby." I answered by still trying to stay calm even though it was undeniable that my heart was turbulent to ask for an explanation of his words that night.

"Yes .. I would also like to apologize for my uncertainties to you. It's been a week and I haven't come to see your parents."

"Yes that's okay Ustadz, and then Ustadz apologized. Why?"

"Emm .. So Ayunda, my mother told me to further strengthen my knowledge by serving in Ma'had my friend Abah. He did not want me to get married, especially at a young age. So, forgive me Ayunda! Forgive me! Forgive me!" He said with a lot of pauses because he felt bad accompanied by a wounded heart.

"For the time being I have not been able to preach you, but God willing after the service in Ma'had, I will meet you and preach you. I will persuade my Mother to accept you well."

"But for now forgive me, because I really can't fight for you. I beg you to believe that I really love you Ayunda Syaharani! I really love you!I know this is really painful for you but believe me I also feel pain as you feel, even more." He said guiltily and with teary eyes and I saw that occasionally he wiped away the tears that would drip down his cheeks.

At that moment my heart filled with the flowers of love was withered already the flower and my heart was beating so fast with a feeling that was so painful in the upper part of my heart.

I tried to stay strong and firm and not spill my tears in front of him because it would definitely hurt him a lot.

I took a deep breath so I could rilex and think clearly.

I wiped away the tears that had been reminisced in my eyes as soon as I said to him, "Ustadz, I'm fine and I'll be fine. Ustadz follow what Mother Ustadz told Ustadz! Here I will also focus on the world of education that from the beginning my family has chosen. Maybe we haven't made a match for now, but we don't know for a few years. Maybe we can match up again or maybe there'll be someone better for each of us." I resisted disappointment and remained calm.

"I know this is very painful for me and Ustadz is no exception and as Ustadz said earlier, even Ustadz is sicker than me but after all this has become the will of God. Perhaps it would be better for us to focus on finding knowledge and be patient in the joy and suffering of life because we cannot step without the pleasure of both our parents. Especially without the ridho of a mother let alone a boy was very close to his mother. Every step and success is engraved upon the mother's do'a for her son."

I turned my back on him and confronted him, trying to smile at him so he wouldn't feel guilty because it wasn't entirely Ustadz Habib's fault.

This is the destiny of God, we just need to be sincere and patient. It is said that patience is when you get the first blow.

Ustadz glanced at me guiltily and rubbed back her tears.

While I was unable to hold back my tears any longer, I cried turning my body around and away from her.

I met Yuna who was not far from me and Ustadz, and I hugged Yuna, shedding my heart in my tears.

"Yes, Ustadz! Yum, Ustadz!" With a cry as much as I tried to tell Yuna.

"Yes Ayunda I heard it. You're a strong girl, you can't give up! You must stay up! If you want to cry, weep and spill your sorrow in your cry! " His words calmed me down by hugging me and rubbing my back.

A few minutes later...

After my crying began to subside, Yuna asked for permission to go to meet Ustadz Habib who was still in the mosque at that time.

"What do you do Ustadz? Ustadz must know the words of Sayyidina Ali about, "*a man who makes women cry then every step of the man will be condemned* then, then, why did Ustadz do this to my friend Ustadz? Why?" Yuna asked with enough emotion and held back her disappointment.

"I, I can't possibly go against my Mother's wishes, Yuna. My mother told me to strengthen my knowledge by serving in Ma'had." Ustadz Habib replied with a cry of regret as he sat on the floor bending his knees and his hands were not stopping to hit his own knees and the floor of the mosque.

"Just because it's Ustadz? Then why did Ustadz say that one day Ustadz would convince Ustadz's mother to accept Ayunda well? What is Ayunda Ustadz? Ayunda is beautiful, smart, she is also from among the people but she never brags about it all, and the most impressive of the Ayunda she is a good sholihah woman even her Abah is a friend of Abah Ustadz right? Then why did Ustadz do this to him Ustadz?Why?" Yuna said everything she wanted to say right then and there.

"That I thank God for agreeing, but to convince and persuade my Mother is a very difficult thing for me and Abah. Mother besides wanting me to focus on my hyacinth and my services in Ma'had actually she wants a daughter-in-law of the pesantren."

"Huh? What's Ustadz? origin Ustadz know, although my friend Ayunda is not from the breed (heredity) pesantren, religion, science and ethics and her psihihihihanya as a woman need not be doubted Ustadz!" Yuna defended me for her concern for me as her best friend.

"Yes I know that! I'm stressing you that I'm not taking issue with it, but my mother?"Ustadz Habib said as he rubbed his face rough, "I can't fight my Mother, Yuna!"

"Ustadz You said you were serious to Ayunda that you loved her, but you couldn't fight for her! Is that what Ustadz love is?" Yuna said with a passionate question because she was still quite upset, "so many people are willing to do many things even sacrifice for the one she loves but what about you, Ustadz? I never thought you'd treat my best friend like this." Yuna was disappointed and saddened by the things I had to accept.

"I need time to fight for Ayunda Yuna. I need some time. Sorry because for now I can't, but maybe after I get home from my service in Ma'had I will fight it back, for sure!"

"Yes, if Ayunda was still alone Ustadz if she belonged to someone else?"

"I am sure God will give me a way to unite with Ayunda with the hyacinth barokah and the service to my kyai there, I am also sure we InshaAllah can be together in the worst way possible for now we have to be patient first. Even if after we go through all that we act united inshaallah Ayunda will get better than me. Because God gives his best."

My heart feels no longer strong, my heart is getting sick and broken hearing all the explanations with Yuna. I asked Yuna to leave immediately, "Yuna, let's go!" I said to take Yuna away before the matter got longer.

"From Ustadz, assalamu'alaikum."

My heart does hurt, but saying hello is a duty of fellow Muslims and leaving without saying goodbye is impolite. And I didn't think anyone would hear us talk so strongly that he would expose people so that people would know.

.....

So that when I passed by one day, I overheard them mocking and humbling me, they steadfastly said to me with words that hurt me so much.

"It's really the choice of his mother Ustadz Habib as Abahnya Kyai big have dormitory too! It must have been inherited later on Ustadz Habib and his wife. So it's not wrong, if his mother wants pesantren breed." Speak to one of the Mothers and continue her scathing words again.

"Yes anyway, Abahya Ayunda is also Kyai but it is just ordinary Kyai and his work is also office!" Said one of the Mothers who was pumping the other Mothers.

"Emm, yes, if it has been a lot of treasure can forget the afterlife, tuh!" Sahut one of the other Mothers while the other also displayed their agreed expression.

A Mother with a quite striking appearance that shows her jewelry that happened to pass by also hoarded and added with her spicy words,"Eh ... These mothers are horrified!Horrified! Ustadz Habib was his hyacinth from a small, read the yellow book steady, memorize the Qur'an, sholawatan jago anyway!"

"If it is beautiful and good character is good too, but if there is a better why choose a standard-standart just try? 'And not like a complete package from the pesantren! Yes, at least if not from a pesantren can tuh from the pesantren (santri) like my son Karina, Buk! Beautiful, sholihah, good manners and hyacinths for years, you know!"

Mother said without filtering her words.

And I tried to be patient and to be patient, recalling Abah's advice that I should not be angry even if I was insulted to be patient as the Prophet had pointed out.

Thank God a lot of people supported me too. The mothers who supported me said to me, "Relax Nak Ayunda! One day Ibu Ustadz Habib himself will ask you to be his son-in-law" said one of the mothers to me.

"Believe the same Ibuk, if not Mother Ustadz Habib, God willing, God will love the figure of Mother-in-law and husband who is much better than our expectations." He Continues again.

I just smiled and marinated from the bottom of my heart hoping that God would grant it and make it a reality.

𝓑𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓪𝓶𝓫𝓾𝓷𝓰...!

🥺 Still flashback 😁🙏